Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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