My friends, they love my intelligence
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
