Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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