He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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