she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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