I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
