My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
lol hangovers are for mortals.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
