Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
