Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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