Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
