woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
