My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
