Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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