I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
