just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
