they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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