I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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