Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
