Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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