i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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