Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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