My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
