Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
