when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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