Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
