They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize