i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
