She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my shit smells like andre
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
