just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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