so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
