Someone shit on the floor
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize