I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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