Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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