I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
