You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
