Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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