And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
