so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
