I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
