he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
