Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
