Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
