Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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