Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
