clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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