I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
