Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize