Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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