My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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