Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
