i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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