So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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