If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
