At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
