He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
