At least make sure they are 18
Why
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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