This girl is more easily done than said...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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