apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
