I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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