I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
