i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
