So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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