It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
