if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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