I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
