Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
