my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize