I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
