dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm like, not good at living.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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