1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
