My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
