Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
