I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
this will be a night to untag.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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