Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
