It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
