Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
