Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
