is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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