Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
