You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
