Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
