we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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