Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
