so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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