He disabled his match.com account in front of me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
