If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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