Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
