I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think my tv is drunk
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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