you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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