Im at strip club and am horny
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
