Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
