i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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