she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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