Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
