im gay
i know
yea but for you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
