i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
