dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
