Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize