Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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